Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Reason one why I should go directly to bed after drinking my dinner


Dear Me,

Sure, it’s been a banner year so far,* so you go out with your two best friends and celebrate.  It’s the Tuesday before payday and you only have $15 to your name, so you decide to drink your dinner.^  What could go wrong, right?

Well, in this technological world, where you also decide that it’s an acceptable idea to post on your blog while you’re still drunk – anything could happen.  And, you know what?  It usually does.

Do you remember that nice guy you met on eHarmony over a year ago who turned out not to be in Portland, Ore. at all, but was actually living in London?  And, who quickly offered to pay for half of your plane ticket out there?  You know, the offer that happened so quickly that it convinced you that he was going to sell you into white slavery?

Yeah, that’s the one.

Guess what?  You’re home alone and drunk, and you’ve got an e-mail from him.  What do you do?

You decided to respond,^^ blog about it, and then finish watching “To Sir, with Love.”  Seriously, what in the hell is wrong with you?++




*Not only did you get a promotion, but the following week you won your company’s college football pool. 


^The happy hour at Cafe Nell is pretty decent, so three happy hour and one regular Widmer Hefeweizens later – you still have money to tip the nice gay boy who doubles as the bartender.


+ On Tue, Jan 10, 2012 at 4:48 PM, he wrote:

Hey there... I don't know whether you remember me. (If you don't, take a look at the exchange below.** It might jog your memory.) Anyway, I recall you saying that you planned to move to Chicago from Portland. Well, as it happens, I'll be traveling to Chicago for about five days on January 20th. I'll be interviewing and lecturing at the University of Illinois, Chicago. So there's a chance I may be in Chicago indefinitely. I was wondering whether you'd like to get a cup of coffee or a drink or something while I'm in town. I hope this doesn't make me seem like a hopeless obsessive, or a creep.

Best,
[Him] (the guy from London, remember?)


**It was an e-mail exchange alright.  One from October 2010.


^^Yes, I remember you.  Sadly, the dream has not yet come to fruition.
I'm still in Portland, but I'm a step closer in my plan to take
Chicago by storm.

Good luck on the interviews and give my best to the windy city.


++Where ever shall we start?