Yes, it's still me.
Sure, I complain about not dating, but since I’ve spent more time telling people how crazy I am* or listing out the reasons why a particular guy shouldn’t want to date me^ I probably shouldn’t be all that surprised.
*Yeah, okay, it’s true. But, guys could probably figure it out in their own time, and before they do this girl might get a little action.
^Yes, this is the guy I was convinced would sell me into white slavery.
He wrote:
Yo,
So as it turns out, the [school] offered me a tenure-track position. I accepted. I'll be moving there in August. You know, to prepare the way for your glorious arrival and all. I was wondering whether my impressive new job, and raw animal magnetism, would be enough to seduce you. This gravy train is about to leave the station. Get on board now.
Sorry that kinda sounds creepy. What I really want to know is what you're up to these days, whether you'd like to get acquainted. I can't really say "re"acquainted, given that we didn't get too far in the acquainting process the first time around. Anyway, let me know.
I wrote:
That's wonderful news about the position with [the school]. Congratulations…!
I feel like it needs to be said - I don't think I can live up to all of the hype.
Personally, I think I'm pretty awesome. However, this morning I belted out the theme song to "Golden Girls" with a coworker. Last week, I forgot that I was in my work lunchroom and I burped like drunken frat boy. I'm more likely to spend Friday nights hanging out with my cats, watching "Misfits" on Hulu or, generally, giving my neighbors another reason to believe that I'm either a recluse or a lesbian, than bar hopping or whatever else 30-year-olds are supposed to do with themselves.
Plus, I'm sure it's just a matter of time until a Chicagoland native sweeps you off your feet. Hey, maybe you'll do better than I did at The Wiener's Circle. (After my meal, I may or may not have redecorated the inside of someone's car with my stomach contents.
And, by "may or may not," I mean that I totally did.) Chicago's great, and I'm sure that you can find someone much, much closer that would run - not walk - to get aboard your gravy train.
[Me]
P.S. Given your upcoming move, I would encourage you to read "Devil in the White City." I don't want to spoil it, but there's a murder hotel. Complete with secret passageways and a body disposal room. Oh, yeah, and it's non-fiction.
I feel like it needs to be said - I don't think I can live up to all of the hype.
Personally, I think I'm pretty awesome. However, this morning I belted out the theme song to "Golden Girls" with a coworker. Last week, I forgot that I was in my work lunchroom and I burped like drunken frat boy. I'm more likely to spend Friday nights hanging out with my cats, watching "Misfits" on Hulu or, generally, giving my neighbors another reason to believe that I'm either a recluse or a lesbian, than bar hopping or whatever else 30-year-olds are supposed to do with themselves.
Plus, I'm sure it's just a matter of time until a Chicagoland native sweeps you off your feet. Hey, maybe you'll do better than I did at The Wiener's Circle. (After my meal, I may or may not have redecorated the inside of someone's car with my stomach contents.
And, by "may or may not," I mean that I totally did.) Chicago's great, and I'm sure that you can find someone much, much closer that would run - not walk - to get aboard your gravy train.
[Me]
P.S. Given your upcoming move, I would encourage you to read "Devil in the White City." I don't want to spoil it, but there's a murder hotel. Complete with secret passageways and a body disposal room. Oh, yeah, and it's non-fiction.
He wrote:
That is the nicest rejection ever. Can we at least get a beer when I'm back in Portland? Throw me a bone!
I wrote:
Sounds like a plan, sir!~
~He asked me the same thing a few years ago, and that didn't happen. So, I feel pretty safe about the fact that if I am sold into white slavery, this isn't going to be the guy who does it.
Lmao! I'm not going to lie, I kinda like him.
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