Listen, I get it. It's Valentine's Day.
If you don't already have a special someone to hang out with tonight then you might as well find a lonely lady with low self esteem you can take advantage of, right?
You don't have to answer, I know I'm right.*
In short, you all need to stop acting like a bunch of d-bags. Or, at the very least act like half a d-bag, so that I wouldn't mind grabbing a drink with the other half.
Wait.
If all y'all - d-bags or not - wear skinny jeans or man capris, "rock" an ironic mustache, may or may not be a hipster, or dressed up as "Where's Waldo" or Santa for a pub crawl - I may need to reconsider the whole "not a lesbian" thing.
*I hadn't logged into OkCupid in weeks or maybe a month or more, but then today I get two messages back to back. One was a simple, "Hey. How are you doing?" but the other was something special. A dude in a cowboy hat asking me, "Hi how ate you" and wishing me a "Happy valentines".
Seriously, I hope that dude in a cowboy hat didn't copy and paste that message to send it to ALL the ladies. Or, if he did, I hope no one fell for it. Yeah, I know. There are tons of lonely ladies with low self esteem who are itching to put out tonight, but I'm not one of them. Well, not to just anyone.
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