Why Women Shouldn’t Drive

Or, more specifically:  Why the woman who rolled her car into me while I was crossing the street shouldn’t drive.

Well, the first reason that comes to mind is –YOU ROLLED YOUR CAR INTO ME WHILE I WAS CROSSING THE STREET!

Listen, I get it.  Driving in The Pearl can be a pain in the tookus, but there’s no reason for blocking the box.  You made the conscious decision sit in the center of the intersection, so you could make that light.  You still couldn’t move when I got the walk signal, so I walked in front of your car.  Even though I was over 75 percent of the way across the street, I still hadn’t cleared your bumper,* and the cars in front of you started to move, so you rolled into me.

It was a nice day.  I had my bright orange coat over my right arm and a cream sweater on.  I’ve been told that my sweater bunnies are hard to miss given their size and when coupled with the rest of me – I am hardly a wisp of a woman.  When I yelled out, “HEY!” and craned my neck to glare at you, you didn’t appear to be talking on your cell phone, texting, or otherwise distracted. 

It was 3:40 p.m. on a warm, sunny Tuesday, so I have one important question to ask.  Why didn’t you see me? 

I’m sure you have an answer but I really don’t want to hear it, because there’s no excuse for not paying attention while driving a boat of a car.  A lot of things could have happened.  What if I hadn’t been from sturdy breeding stock?  What if I had an old powderpuff football injury?  What if I had brittle bone disease?  You could have seriously hurt someone!

Luckily, I wasn’t hurt.  But, given the height of your bumper, I could feel your car push my knee out of place.  Let’s just say that I felt shocked and violated.  And, then when you mouthed, “I’m sorry,” while continuing to roll into me^ – anger overtook my other emotions.

I couldn’t tell if I was more with you or with myself for not throwing my belongings to the ground, slamming my fists on the hood of your car and yelling, “I’M WALKING HERE!”  Because, I can only hope that I never ever run into a situation like this again.

*Seriously, woman, where did you learn to drive?  Because, your car was positioned like you were trying to start your own third lane on NW Glisan St.

^Since you obviously seem unaware of your surroundings, I can’t be the first one to say this – but, if I am then it’s time that you know – you’re a horrible driver.