Okay, so there are dangers in dating (internet or otherwise), but mostly it’s the fact that you have to deal with other people’s crazy. Listen, I’ve got plenty of my own crazy, but I’m always surprised when I come across someone whose cup overflows.
When it comes right down to it, I’m easily bored with people, places, jobs, ideas, myself, catch phrases, and pretty much anything and everything else that you can think of. So, when I get bored, I try to find things to do. These mini-activities have ranged from crafting to shaving parts of body and watching TV to making really bad decisions with boys. Earlier this month I moved into my own studio. I quickly realized an unexpected side effect of living on my own – since I no longer have to go out of my way to avoid the intense crazy that was an ex-roommate – I have no idea what to do with myself.
To fill all of the time that I have on my hands, I’ve started going back to the gym, making my apartment homier by hanging things on the walls, and doing little odds and ends around my place. I still avoid doing the dishes and unpacking my last eight boxes like the plague, but other than that I’ve been pretty productive. Well, that was until the other day when I realized I haven’t been man handled in nearly eight months.
So, I decided to post a personal ad on Craig’s List.* As soon as I posted the ad, I realized that I wasn’t actually in the right place to start seeing someone new. (I’m in the process of getting over my last boyfriend and when I look in my heart of hearts, I Luckily, within 90 minutes of posting it, the wise and knowledgeable users of Craig’s List (see: overzealous freaks) had flagged and removed my ad. Of course, this wasn’t before I received a handful of responses. I received the very first e-mail within minutes of posting from a guy named Dustin.+ I was over the whole experiment by the time it was flagged and removed. Not one of the responses was interesting enough to respond to, so I turned my computer off and went to bed. So, you can imagine my surprise when I checked my e-mail the following morning and found a second from this Dustin character flipping out for NOT responding to his e-mail.~
Needless to say, but that whole mess was way more crazy than I had bargained for. Listen, I may be jonesing for a little male attention, but I’ve got to draw a line somewhere. For that, I shall thank you, Dustin, I have realized where my line is.
*Maybe it’s not the guys; maybe it’s the skinny jeans that bug me… - 29 (NW Portland)
Okay, maybe I’m going about it all wrong, but the guys I've met recently just don't seem to cut it for me. I want a guy who’s smart and kind of cute. We’re talking about a guy who eats meat and doesn’t use a bicycle as his primary mode of transportation – the kind of guy who doesn’t have skinny jeans or an ironic mustache. I’d even throw in bonus points if he thought that jeggings on anyone other than COCO was ridiculous (but then again jeggings on COCO is ridiculous – ridiculously funny).
Needless to say, the filter between my brain and my mouth is a work in progress. Luckily, I can take it just as good as I can dish it out, so whether he’s an opinionated republican or a nice liberal boy – we’ll likely get along just fine. Ideally, he’d be able to handle everything from the random movie quotes that spill out of my mouth to my snarky and smart alecky comments.
As for the physical, I prefer thicker guys. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not a chubby chaser. But, I do like a tall man with broad shoulders. And, although I’m not Skeletor, I’m not Jaba the Hut either. I’m a curvy cracker that stands about 5’7” with chin length naturally brown hair that tends to be dyed red, hazel eyes, and a ridiculously immature sense of humor.
Okay, I’ll admit it; I’d like to meet someone who knows how to make his biting sense of humor and lack of a social filter work for him. The better that I get to know my ideal man, the more I’d realize that he’s the funniest person I know. Sure, his social commentary might not always be new or refreshing or, but his impression of the gay hipster who is in denial of being both gay and a hipster could make me laugh every time.
The truth is that I’m over educated and underemployed. I have a hard time turning my brain off. I don’t have adulthood figured out – yet. I don’t have kids. I don’t smoke. I’m not 420 friendly. I don’t drink often, but when I do I drink like a fish. I like to travel. I’m not religious. I watch way too much television (everything from History Detectives to How I Met Your Mother and Match Game). I have opinions about everything from Vera Katz to Sam Adams, Sam Adams to Rogue Ales, and Rogue to Wolverine (although the latter would probably be nothing more than smoke and mirrors). And, even though I was born and raised in Oregon, I’m still trying to find where I fit in while in Portland.
With all that said, I really don’t know what I’m looking for in a guy other than some meat on his bones, an absence of skinny jeans and camouflage in his closet, and the ability to put a smile on my face.
Needless to say, the filter between my brain and my mouth is a work in progress. Luckily, I can take it just as good as I can dish it out, so whether he’s an opinionated republican or a nice liberal boy – we’ll likely get along just fine. Ideally, he’d be able to handle everything from the random movie quotes that spill out of my mouth to my snarky and smart alecky comments.
As for the physical, I prefer thicker guys. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not a chubby chaser. But, I do like a tall man with broad shoulders. And, although I’m not Skeletor, I’m not Jaba the Hut either. I’m a curvy cracker that stands about 5’7” with chin length naturally brown hair that tends to be dyed red, hazel eyes, and a ridiculously immature sense of humor.
Okay, I’ll admit it; I’d like to meet someone who knows how to make his biting sense of humor and lack of a social filter work for him. The better that I get to know my ideal man, the more I’d realize that he’s the funniest person I know. Sure, his social commentary might not always be new or refreshing or, but his impression of the gay hipster who is in denial of being both gay and a hipster could make me laugh every time.
The truth is that I’m over educated and underemployed. I have a hard time turning my brain off. I don’t have adulthood figured out – yet. I don’t have kids. I don’t smoke. I’m not 420 friendly. I don’t drink often, but when I do I drink like a fish. I like to travel. I’m not religious. I watch way too much television (everything from History Detectives to How I Met Your Mother and Match Game). I have opinions about everything from Vera Katz to Sam Adams, Sam Adams to Rogue Ales, and Rogue to Wolverine (although the latter would probably be nothing more than smoke and mirrors). And, even though I was born and raised in Oregon, I’m still trying to find where I fit in while in Portland.
With all that said, I really don’t know what I’m looking for in a guy other than some meat on his bones, an absence of skinny jeans and camouflage in his closet, and the ability to put a smile on my face.
+ You are not Skeletor? Then I am not He-man....that is unless you are really Skeletor........ haha. Jsut had to comment on the skinny jeans thing. Fucking hate that. My brother and I see these dudes walking down the street with long hair and skinny jeans. Is it wrong to yell out the window "Hey baby how you doin.....OH SHIT YOU'RE A DUDE..Sorry" verbatum. Oh and what the hell is a jeggins or a coco?
~ I jsut like what you had to say in your post. Really not desperate enough to peddle my self on craigslist. Figured that maybe if I had sent a pic (albeit a goonie one) maybe you would have responded. I fit your description to a T and I was not annoyed by you which is odd but whatever. Your Loss.
1. Why was it flagged? People can't handle anything in Portland. They all pretend they're open minded but really they're ridiculously closed minded.
ReplyDelete2. Dustin sounds like a catch! I can go a whopping 2 or 3 days without checking my e-mail, how DARE you ignore him overnight! Good day, madam. I SAID GOOD DAY!
3. Jeggings on Coco. Classic. But what would Ice-T think?
Re: 1. My best guess as to why it was flagged is that enough of the dudes who read it thought I was either a prostitute or an automated post used to get their e-mail addresses so I could ask them to look at an adult site or a webcam something or other. I’m also going to venture to guess that the above assumptions were made because I didn’t complain about a baby daddy or men in general. Meh. I’m over it.
ReplyDeleteRe: 2. He included a half nude photo along with that drunk e-mail. And, I would say that as long as talking or emotions weren’t involved, he’d be more than equipped for the task.
Re: 3. Well, Ice-T would have to take a vacation from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit to express an opinion on this topic. Speaking of Ice-T, is it weird that Tank Girl is still my favorite vehicle for his acting career?
Yes.
ReplyDelete