Hands off my Diet Pepsi Bottle!

I’m just going to say it – I think that Oregon’s Bottle Bill is retarded.*  Similarly, I think that the proposed 2011 revamp is wicked retarded.  Oregon’s Bottle Law – as it stands – retards forward progress in not only littering habits but also helping the homeless get off the streets.  We’ll take this one step at a time, so that nothing is lost in translation.

For those of you who are blissfully ignorant of Oregon’s Bottle Bill, it was passed in 1971 in an effort to increase the recycling rates of beer and soda containers by collecting a container deposit at the time of purchase.  In 2007, the 5 cent deposit was added to water and flavored water containers.  Oregon’s not alone in the world of bottle bills – ten other states currently have similar bills, but some bills have been repealed.  And, now Oregon may not only add sports and energy drinks, coffee, tea, juice, and other noncarbonated beverages to the list of containers that require deposits, but may also double the cost of a deposit to ten cents thanks to House Bill 3145.  Since the new language could define a beverage as  any of the above “…in liquid form and intended for human consumption…” it’s unclear whether items such as Pepto-Bismol, lemon juice, or cooking oil would require bottle deposits under this bill.

The update comes because some members of the Oregon State Legislature are off the opinion that decreased bottle redemption rates mean that fewer bottles are being recycled and therefore more of these recyclable containers are ending up in landfills.  I argue that this isn’t the case.  Returning bottles is an overly problematic process that takes way, way too long.

The last time I returned bottles it took me close to 90 minutes to: fight with the bottle return machine, get used to the smell of stale beer that covered every surface of the back corner of the underground Safeway parking lot where the machines lived, locate a grocery store staff member to fix the broken machine, continue to fight with the bottle return machine, realize that bottle return machine Hobo Joe was using had broken and that his repeated service requests had gone unanswered, realize that my machine had broken – again, find another store employee to fix the machines that Hobo Joe and I were using, and to finally cash my bottle return slips in for my $2.35. 

Of course, the second to last time that I returned bottles to about the same time, but was compounded by the fact that only three of the eight machines at the Fred Meyer’s kind of worked and there was a line to use them.  Oh, and I needed to call for an employee twice as many times for half as many bottles. 

Do you know what I say to any and all bottle bills?  Fuck the mother fucking bottle deposits.  Oregon, stop making me feel like I’m getting Nickel and Dimed!!!

After those experiences I started setting all of my soda and beer containers inside the glass recycle bin, so that the many people who walk around the neighborhood looking for cans won’t dig through the recycling container could easily house a 300 pound man.  Of course, the next three people don’t know that and dig through the bin anyway, but that’s another issue all together.  But, then again, there are people (e.g., my ex-Crazy Roommate) who pull off the labels, so that no one can return her bottles.  After all, if she’s not going to get her money back then no one will.

My ex-Crazy Roommate probably never realized that if no one claims the bottle deposit – someone does get that money.  Right now, bottle distributors get to keep the unredeemed deposits, and don’t even have to disclose how much money they keep.  In 2005, Oregon’s Department of Environmental Quality estimated that 250 million beverage containers (or $12.5 million of unredeemed deposits) ended up in landfills every year with another 60 million ($3 million) were recycled without being redeemed.  These days, the estimate is closer to $20-30 million that bottle distributors keep.  Now, imagine their delight when these amounts are doubled.

The 2007 Oregon Bottle Bill Task Force recommended that the 2009 Legislature: expand the list of beverages with bottle deposits – CHECK; Increase the bottle deposit to 10 cents – CHECK; switch to a statewide system of redemption centers – SORT OF (see: Distributor Cooperatives); “[a]llow the state to collect unredeemed deposits if the industry-run redemption center system is not successful and a state-run system is implemented” – NOT EVEN MENTIONED. 

So, Oregon Legislature, you’re telling me that you want to double the bottle deposit, making it harder for me and Hobo Joe to return the bottles, AND the unclaimed money isn’t even going to help the state?  No, Oregon Legislature!  Bad, Oregon Legislature!  That is not okay!

You realize that you’re in Oregon, right?  This is the same state that wants to ban plastic bags.  Okay, how about this – make it easier and the bottles WILL come.^

Oregon totally needs to follow Delaware’s lead and repeal the bottle law.  Delaware got smart last year.  And, even the municipality bottle bill from Columbia, Mo. was repealed back in 2002.  Seriously, it is so, so easy to recycle these containers.  Plus, maybe then I wouldn’t have to deal with the shopping carts that come rattling through my neighborhood at 5 a.m. looking for cans.

* Yes, you read that correctly – I said retarded.  And, I’ll say it again – RETARDED!  I do intend it to offend delicate liberal sensibilities, however, I do not intend to use the disparaging slang term too often used to describe the mentally handicapped or developmentally disabled.  I am using the noun, which means “a slowing down, diminution, or hindrance…”  (Dictionary.com’s third definition.)  And, now I’ll use the verb (Dictionary.com’s first definition for all of you following along at home)…

^ I know it doesn’t roll off the tongue like “If you build it, he will come,” but we’re not talking baseball here.  We’re talking dirty, sticky bottles that are probably full of old cigarettes, chewing tobacco, or dead bugs.