Fake Friends

I watch way, WAY too much TV.  It’s gotten to the point where I have flashbacks to television shows.  I might as well be the guy from “Dream On”.  What?  You’ve never heard of “Dream On”?  EXACTLY!

During college, I studied in Greece for a term.  I missed a lot of things from back home – my friends, my cat, NOT having to use a hand towel to dry off from a shower, and my stories.  The year was 2001, and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” was still on WB.  I even talked one of my friends into recording Buffy while I was away.  My trip was great and upon returning stateside, I was so looking forward to becoming reacquainted with my three besties -  Buffy, Xander, and Willow.  I powered through those VHS tapes in no time and soaked up every second of season five.  Suddenly, I was watching the last episode of the season.  BAM!  Buffy died and a note thanking fans came on the TV.  My heart sank.  It was like losing a friend – a friend my own age.  We weren’t even half way through college and she was torn out of my life?  NooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I know that wasn’t the end of Buffy.  The show simply moved from WB to UPN.  But, you have to remember – this was back when I could only access Al Gore’s interweb via a dial up connection and a long distance call, so I didn’t do it all that often.  Plus, back then I assumed that the internet was a better place to find porn than viable information on anything that would actually matter to me.  Who knew, right?

Now that I’m a little older, but not necessarily more mature, I still watch a lot of TV.  In this day and age, I catch up on most of my stories thanks to the internet.  The problem is that I’m reminded daily about how much I can recollect from all of the many, MANY hours I spent in front of the television set.  I haven’t seen it since 1994, but I can quote “Cool Runnings.”  Just earlier this week I referenced “Groundhog Day” – in depth – to a coworker.  That’s another movie that I haven’t actually seen since at least 1998.  Within the last month, I caught myself thinking about “Adventures in Babysitting,” which then transitioned into “Masters of the Universe.”  Because, until two minutes ago, I was convinced that Thor (the gruff blonde mechanic) was played by Dolph Lundgren.  Color me surprised when I discovered that it was Vincent D’Onofrio.  (Props to you, Vincent D’Onofrio!  I know you best from “Mystic Pizza,” “Men in Black,” and “Law & Order: Criminal Intent.”  But, seriously, you convinced a 6-year-old that you were Dolph Lundgren – now THAT’S acting!)

When I got to college, the big concern was over drinking, which lead to the hot button Resident Advisor question – “Are you making friends OR drinking buddies?”  Well, now that my 20s are slipping away like sands through the hourglass (Side note: despite my television addiction, I have an allergic reaction to soap operas.  (See: Changing the channel)), these days I would almost welcome drinking buddies.  I have a great group of friends, but they either have significant others, are on a self-imposed social timeout while losing weight or are out being productive members of society.  And, I don’t know what it is, but there’s just part of me that thinks it’s too much if I was to ask everyone I know to come over and entertain me.  So, either I need to start going to the gym (or volunteering at a food kitchen) more, or…  I can get all comfortable and cozy up with my fake friends and my real cats.  I want to believe that I’d be better without TV, but I don’t know if I’d want to live in that world.  (It sounds like it could be an episode of “Sliders.”  I wonder if it's an episode I've seen before...)