Damn it, Janet!

Sometimes I like to fantasize that my life is a movie or play, and I’m an observer instead of a participant.  At its best, my life would be a comedy of errors.  Given the fact that I’ve tried a potpourri of things my career (hospitality, marketing, philanthropy, legal, and now administration while trying to headbutt my way into the financial world), so I can’t help but feel that my professional life is little like Frankenstein’s Monster.  Scratch that.  My career has been as horrific as Frankenstein’s Monster.  My career (or lack thereof) has been a little shiner, a little funnier, a little sexier, a little Rocky Horrorier…?

 I’m not talking about the movie, The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  I’ve only seen a performance once, and I’m still a little scarred from the experience.*  I’m talking about Dr. Frank-N-Furter’s actual creation, Rocky Horror.  Whether you picture the 1975 version with Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, and Meat Loaf or Glee’s 2010 episode “The Rocky Horror Glee Show,” when you imagine the creation or monster – you think of a nearly naked, buff blond dude in tight gold short shorts.  Which, unless you’re not attracted to men, isn’t a bad thing to imagine.

Certain jobs have definitely been more interesting or rewarding than others, but between temping, retail, work-study positions, and my collection of other jobs – there’s very little that I haven’t done.  I’m sure that I’m going to forget something, but I’ve been paid to do the following jobs:

Accounts payable/receivable

Administrative assistant

AmeriCorps VISTA

Benefits counselor (for a national corporation)

Bookseller

Business owner (contract legal researcher and assistant)

Convenience store clerk

Corporate mascot

Fashion consultant (a fancy way of saying sales associate and bra fitter)

Florist (took orders during Valentine’s Day)

Hospitality (managed a youth hostel)

Journalist (for my college newspaper, but I’m an award winning college journalist!)

Law library circulation assistant and shelver

Legal researcher and assistant (yes, I’m double dipping)

Medical filer

Medical screening (for a different company)

Photographer

Property management

Radio DJ

Shoe saleswoman

Teaching assistant (legal research and legal writing)

The glamorous jobs that I wasn’t paid for:

Judicial intern

Marketing intern

Student attorney (both criminal and civil)

No wonder why I haven’t developed an “actual” career, right?  I’ve been too busy trying to find my “passion,” or otherwise avoiding the inevitable – adulthood.

I love all of the random stories that I have (e.g., an Asian tourist felt me up in my cow costume, because she wanted to know if the person inside the mascot costume was a man or woman.  That same day I made a child cry, because I was a cow with opposable thumbs.)  However, there is a downside that’s been smacking me in the face recently.  Specifically, it’s when I run into issues like the fact that I just started a 401(k) this spring and my current company has about 196 employees and I have the second smallest salary.  So, it hasn’t all been rainbows and unicorns, but at the very least it’s been a pair of gold short shorts and that’s not a bad place to start.

* It was during high school at the Clinton Street Theater, and I’m convinced that the guy behind me got a hand job during the first half of the show.  I’d like to thank his special lady friend for covering the action with her coat.  I probably should have known better than to assume the only sexy time that would happen during those fateful 100 minutes would be on the screen/stage.  I had seen the film before, but I was so blissfully young and ignorant.