Maybe it’s a Tumor

It’s not a tumor. 

Sometimes – I wish it was a tapeworm.  But, it’s not one of those either.

I know there’s a reason why I run around all day every day like one of the Hungry Hungry Hippos, but sometimes I just can’t figure out why.  Why do I need to be a member of the clean plate club?  (I thank my paternal grandparents.)  Why do I obsessively think about the next meal?  (Probably the same reason I eat when I’m bored, which tends to be most of the time right now.)

Of course, this wouldn’t be such a big issue if I wasn’t bored so often.  (Maybe I should take up knitting.)  I could probably work on my housekeeping or dedicate more time to reading, but all I really want to do is spend money.  I want to spend money on fancy shoes and expensive purses, or one of the many, many neighborhood restaurants that I have yet to explore. 

Usually, I’d get a part time job to occupy my time extra time and bring in a little spare scratch so that I can buy those fancy shoes or spend an evening eating my weight in fondue and cocktails at Bartini.  The current economic situation coupled with the fact that all of the 20-somethings in my neighborhood flock to part time jobs like hipsters to food carts has resulted in a blatant absence of open positions. 

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the second best thing to being 20-years-old and retired is being 20-years-old had only having to work part time.  Okay, yes, I’m totally jealous.  If I could afford daily happy hours along with maxi dresses, bounce flats, and cuff bracelets picked out by Rachel Zoe, on top of all my regular bills, and only have to work 20 hours a week?  I’d totally do it!

That’s a lie. 

I really, really don’t like maxi dresses, and bounce flats eat my feet.  Plus, by day three, I’d probably be sun burnt from hanging out at Couch Park and intensely bored with my Netflix and Hulu queues.  Then again, I might turn pro with regard to my crafting and start up an Etsy website.  (I can’t imagine that I’d come up with anything new or exciting, so I doubt I’d make enough for beer money.)

Blurg.  Since I don’t have a tumor or a tape worm, a part time job or an Etsy site – maybe I should focus on doing my dirty dishes.