My parents divorced while I was in high school. It was a horribly arduous process that lasted more than two years, and included allegations of child molestation, tens of thousands of dollars spent on something similar to counseling at Scientology centers both in Oregon and California, and let’s not leave out the attorney’s fees and court costs. In the end, the situation was so convoluted that my parents had to be married again before their divorce could be granted.
Yes, that whole mess is the basis for my most of my abandonment and intimacy issues, and my feelings toward the institution of marriage.
Before the shit really hit the fan there was one week where my household was eerily calm. My parents had stopped talking to each other, which also brought a stop to the nightly shouting matches* scheduled for after all of us kids had gone to bed.
My mother had moved out of her marital bed and onto my trundle bed. Since I was 14-years-old at the time, I asked the question dreaded by all divorcing parents. I asked my mother why. I mean, she had already made it through 18 years of marriage – why was she throwing in the towel now? The only answer she had was that all of the small things had added up.
I didn’t understand it then, but I get it now. Like A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte, life is made up of all the little things. They can be good or bad, but by their very nature they are not life shattering or career making. However, they breathe life into your day or maybe a little heat into your workout.
The little things that do not make me happy:
5) Boys on eHarmony who don’t know the difference between “to” and “too,” and/or fail to capitalize proper nouns
4) Seeing pictures of newborn pandas – if worms and salamanders were able to breed, I’m sure the offspring would look something like newborn pandas.
3) Seeing pictures or video of a cat with two faces – I’m glad that you have a home and you do look happy, but your face looks like something out of one of my nightmares.
2) Telemarketers who call back – after you’ve told them you’re not interested – just to hang up on you.
1) The person or company who has called me 17 times in the past two weeks from 503.914.1318 and not left a message. I tried to call you back from a different phone, and a prerecorded message told me that no one had been assigned to that number. If you’re a ghost in the machine, consider yourself on notice – we’re officially in a fight.
Little things that do make me happy:
5) Using the restroom at work and finding the toilet water blue
4) Watching a video of bear cubs wrestling – they could be puppies or weird shaped monkeys, but they’re bear cubs and they’re adorable.
3) Photos of giant panda cubs – I love the fact that it looks like one of them fell asleep in the middle of playing ball and that another one is up and ready for action.
2) Taking the first drink of soda, and feeling the cold bubbling lava rush down my throat
1) Seeing a skinny woman with bra and/or panty lines
*Take your pick of topic: The legal battle over their chiropractic clinic’s billing procedures was only a few years behind them, as well as the accompanying money problems so bad that my paternal grandparents would regularly come down to “visit” us (see: drop off groceries). My mother had just been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and was starting to lose her ability to walk without the aid of crutches. My father was convinced that my mother was cheating on him with a karate instructor (they did end up dating, and it was just an added bonus when he was convicted of child molestation years later).
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